After being widowed, then moving too quickly into another marriage which failed, I was left on my own with 3 children for a couple of years. I met someone through a friendship chat room online and we hit it off, so much so that a relationship soon developed, and I thought I’d found the right one at last. For a few years it all went well and looking back I guess I was so happy to have found him that I didn’t take note of the things about him which now would ring alarm bells. A few years after our child was born, things did start to change. He would be out of the house at work until 9pm on weekdays, doing more hours than necessary, then would say he needed a break on Saturdays and every 2 weeks would be gone most of the day to watch sport, justifying it by taking a part time job at the ground. This meant I was unable to do anything outside the home apart from my part time job, as looking after the children was of course, my other job. Like a good little wifey I made him dinner and put up with it. Then he would expect sex EVERY night, and it was my fault if I didn’t want to. I used to just go through the motions to get it over with. This makes me both sad and angry now when I think back. If a friend suggested an evening out, I had to check with him that it was ok and if he minded finishing work earlier to “babysit” He would come and pick me up early if I did go out to make sure of where I was. He was overly strict with my younger son, almost as if he was jealous of the attention my son got from me. I ignored a couple of occasions when there was a hint he might have been involved with someone else, and eventually he started going away for the weekend apparently to a works night out across the country. Because I trusted him and he’d worn my confidence down so much, I let him do this. However one day he said he needed space and was going to stay with a family member to sort his head out. I heard nothing for 2 weeks, went slightly crazy but then he came back for Christmas and when we talked, he got upset but wouldn’t talk about it. Something made me do some checking on social media and mobile phone records, and I found he’d been seeing someone else since the summer. That’s when I got strong and confronted him. He promised it was just a fling and it was over, and I almost took him back, he’d done such a number on me. But the charming lady he’d been seeing did me a massive favour by informing me in detail that they were still an item. The stuff she wrote was vile but now I’m glad - it shocked me out of being such a doormat and I found the courage to end it for good. I still have to deal with their sh1t every so often but our child will soon be an adult, I am wiser and stronger, and am now in a very loving, healthy relationship where my happiness matters as much as his. #thetruthisatorch

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